


how we love

by Azusina



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Divorce, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sleepovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 10:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5493824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azusina/pseuds/Azusina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Tobio’s second year at Kitagawa Daiichi, his parents get divorced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how we love

**Author's Note:**

> Of course I love Tobes as he is canonically, but I also always liked the hc that Tobio is dealing with something else in his personal life that leaks into how he plays volleyball and impacts his “king”liness. I don’t think Tobes is very introspective, so I imagine that if he was dealing with something emotionally painful like this he probably wouldn’t consciously feel the pain but it would affect his life a lot subconsciously until it kind of all built up and spilled over when he’s triggered.  
> Warnings for teensy angst and lots of corny hurt/comfort/fluff. Seriously, the kagehina cheese got way out of hand.
> 
> This fic is quite personal for me in places so it was both hard and good to write. Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope you enjoy it!

thank you so so very much [clem](http://sunnysbaudelaires.tumblr.com/) and [sara](http://tovru.tumblr.com/)! I honestly couldn't have done it without your guys' feedback and patience. <333

...

 

Tobio isn’t born a King.

In his first year at Kitagawa Daichi, he gets along okay with his teammates. They aren’t best friends, of course. Tobio is awkward and has never really been interested in making the idle kind of conversation that begins friendships. On top of that there’s the skill difference that separates him and his year-mates. Most of them are just starting volleyball this year while he’s already been playing for years and knows the feel of the ball. But it’s just a slight distance between them; it hasn’t become resentment yet, and mostly they’re just happy to have someone strong on their team. Oikawa-san is mean and teases Tobio and Tobio doesn’t understand him, but he can respect him as the charismatic captain who brings the whole team together. Tobio and his classmates are on the same level that year. He might be better than them at volleyball, but they’re all underclassmen, cheering on their team from the stands.

His second year at Kitagawa Daichi, Oikawa-san leaves and that camaraderie begins to break down. Oikawa-san was able to bring everyone together into an impassioned cohesive team, all determined and motivated to win. They were serious about volleyball, but it was a fun kind of seriousness. Without Oikawa-san, that sense of determination leaks away from everyone else. Tobio still has the passion, but he doesn’t have Oikawa-san’s charm. His passion doesn’t draw people in like Oikawa-san’s did; instead it pushes people away.

Even still, they are a team under the leadership of the third years and their coach. Tobio wants to win, but mostly he just wants to play volleyball and continue to get better. His teammates don’t like him, but there’s lingering companionship from their unity under Oikawa-san, and Tobio doesn’t interact with them too much. At this point, he is still the quiet awkward one, not yet tall enough to be frightening, and not yet volatile enough to be the King.

His second year, Oikawa-san leaves the volleyball club and at home Tobio’s parents begin to argue. When their disagreements get serious, they hide themselves away so that Tobio doesn’t see it. They go in his dad’s office and lock the door. In the past it’s worked. Their disagreements over the years have usually been in the afternoon or after dinner when they’re making a joint decision about something. Tobio hangs out in the living room, watching tv or playing games, and doesn’t much notice them. Recently, though, he can’t help but notice. They argue more and more often, and later at night, as though they start arguing before bed but they can’t argue in their bedroom, they always have to take it to his dad’s office. His dad’s office, which incidentally, is directly below Tobio’s room. The walls are thick enough, but not that thick, and when Tobio lies in bed reading his volleyball magazines or trying to fall asleep in the dark he can hear their muffled fights through his floor.

The first couple of times he doesn’t pay attention to it. They don’t raise their voices to much—the only indication that they’re fighting is the tone he can barely detect in their muted voices. So he grabs a magazine and settles in to read a bit until they’re done. Eventually they do finish, and go back to their room, and Tobio can put away the magazine and go to sleep.

It starts to get annoying after a while. Maybe after a week where they fight almost every night, late. Tobio wants to get to sleep so he can do well at volleyball practice tomorrow, but he can’t fall asleep when he hears their voices through the floor. Frustrated, he begins to wonder exactly what they could be arguing over for so long.

He crawls off his bed and lies down on the floor, pressing his ear to the ground. He can’t make out much, but if he strains he can catch some of it. His dad sounds too calm and his mom angry and flustered.

“ _…you…calm…_ ” His dad says.

“ _How can you…. You_ know _I…”_ His mom’s voice is easier to understand. It’s higher, and louder with her upset.

His dad says something else low, and his mom gets even louder and higher.

“ _Don’t you dare! I’m always the one who…. You’re never…. Tobio…”_

Tobio sits up. He goes over to his desk and unplugs his laptop, grabbing his earphones and crawling back into bed. He finds his favorite volleyball matches and turns the volume up loud, settling in to the darkness of his room and the flickering light of his laptop. He figures that they’re adults, they’ll resolve the argument soon, and then he can get some real sleep.

They don’t resolve the argument soon. They keep arguing, almost every night. Most of the time he presses his earphones into his ears and watches volleyball replays. Sometimes he lies down on his floor and listens. He doesn’t get a lot, but it’s enough to understand the main argument.

What Tobio understands of it is that it’s stupid. A misunderstanding between his mom and dad that they can easily fix if they talk it out with each other. His dad is accusing his mom of something that it’s obvious she couldn’t have done and Tobio doesn’t get why she doesn’t just tell it to him straight, just explain to him why it makes no sense. Instead, most of the time Tobio just hears her crying. Sometimes he gets frustrated. He wants to go down there and comfort her but he’s awkward and doesn’t actually know what he would do. He also wants to go down there and tell her to just tell his dad why he’s obviously wrong. He wants to tell her that crying just makes her seem pathetic and obviously isn’t making his dad listen to her at all so she shouldn’t do it. He wants to tell both of them that they aren’t saying things properly and they aren’t listening and it could all be fixed if they just tried a little harder.

But Tobio doesn’t go down and break up their arguments, even though he feels like it would be easy to tell them who’s wrong and why and how they should resolve it. Instead Tobio climbs back in bed and watches volleyball. After all, they’re adults. They’ll figure it out themselves, or they won’t, and it’s not really any of Tobio’s business anyways.

What is Tobio’s business is volleyball. Watching so many videos late into the night has made him impatient to improve. He can see where things work in the pro teams and how he can make things work in his team. Kunimi and Kindaichi and the rest of them… they have the potential. In practice Tobio watches his teammates and he can see what they’re good at, what they need to work at, what they can become great at if they just do this or that. Most of his time at practice is still spent alone, or at least not talking with his teammates. He goes through the drills pretty silently, working on his own stuff and watching. Sometimes he gets frustrated. He wants to pull each teammate aside and tell them they’re wasting their talent, tell them exactly what they need to do to get better.

At one point, it gets to be simply too much. It boils over. Tobio is so frustrated and angry that they’re just not trying. There is absolutely no reason at all for them not to try harder; Tobio doesn’t _get_ why they don’t.

He yells at his teammates. He tells them what they aren’t doing, what they should be doing. Volleyball is so important and they’re all there to get better, to win, so they should listen to him and do as he says. At first they maybe listen to him a bit. They try out the things he tells them to, but they also start looking at him differently. More cold. Tobio doesn’t care. As long as they’re finally trying, that’s what matters.

Right before he starts his third year at Kitagawa Daichi, Tobio’s dad moves out. Then his mom sits him down one afternoon and says they have to talk. Tobio has always been observant. He can see that she’s exhausted.

“Tobio,” she says, and sighs. She tries to explain a little bit about what was going on. She tells him they’ve been having troubles for a while, as if he hasn’t been able to hear them arguing. She says it’s a complicated situation, and if he wants to know more when he’s older she’ll tell him, as if he hasn’t heard almost all their arguments. He thinks he understands probably more than she does. He knows what she’s going to say, and he still doesn’t get it, doesn’t get why they’re just walking away and not trying harder (because they can fix it if they try harder, Tobio knows). But it’s none of his business really, it’s adult stuff, so he doesn’t say anything.

Tobio isn’t surprised when she tells him that for now all he needs to know is, “Tobio, your father and I are getting a divorce.”

“Okay,” he says.

Later she cries a little bit, and makes Tobio feel more awkward than ever. Then she asks him what he thinks of it all. He shrugs and says it doesn’t really matter to him, and she cries some more. She signs him up for counseling and drives him to it every week. The guy is old and his dress pants are too short and Tobio spends a lot of time staring at his high dress socks and his skinny ankles. He asks Tobio stupid questions about school and his life. Tobio doesn’t talk much. He doesn’t feel he has very much to say. When he does talk, he mainly just talks about volleyball. That’s all he really cares about.

Sometimes Tobio thinks he should be feeling more upset about the divorce. His mom is sure upset a lot of the time. She spends a lot of time at work, and she spends a lot of time talking to lawyers. She doesn’t spend a whole lot of time with Tobio, and when she does spend time on him it’s to worry over how he’s taking it all. He always tells her he’s taking it fine, but she doesn’t seem to really believe him. No matter what she’s doing, she always seems fragile to Tobio and like she’s just been crying, or is about to go to her room and cry. Tobio doesn’t cry. He doesn’t think it makes a huge difference, the divorce. He still has his mom and his dad, even though he sees his dad less frequently and they live in different houses. So what? That just means he gets two bedrooms. Tobio doesn’t care about the divorce. All he cares about is volleyball.

And he cares about volleyball a _lot_. It’s his third year at Kitagawa Daichi and he wants to win. He knows they’re a good team. But they’re still slacking, and he doesn’t get why, and it pisses him off. Aren’t they here to play volleyball? Aren’t they here to get better? Aren’t they here to _win_? Then why don’t they give their all in practice? Why don’t they just run harder, concentrate more, react faster? He knows they can do it, but they don’t. So he yells at them more. But all that gets him is hostility and a stupid nickname. He’s the best and he knows he’s the best and he knows _they_ know. So they should _listen_ to him when he tells them how to improve, but they _don’t,_ they listen to him less and less the harder he tries to be heard and it makes him so frustrated, so mad. Why don’t they just _listen_ , and why don’t they just _try_?

Then, in that final game, he sets the ball and watches as it falls through empty empty air to the ground. _No one is there._ They turn their backs, and they walk away, leaving Tobio behind.

 

Things settle down at home that winter and Tobio sits his entrance exams. He’s tired and frustrated and can’t seem to concentrate and anyways he knows he’s crap at academics. He doesn’t do well, and he doesn’t get into the top schools. He graduates Kitagawa Daichi and entered high school at Karasuno, frustration and irritation simmering under his skin. He joins the volleyball team, of course he does, but it’s with a restless kind of impatience and a resentful kind of hope. This is a new school, a new team. Maybe here they’ll be _reasonable_. Maybe here they’ll _listen_. That’s what he thinks going into the gym that first day. That’s what he hopes with an angry sort of burn.

Then Tobio meets Hinata.

Hinata isn’t reasonable. He doesn’t listen. But even still, he’s different. From the get go, every time Tobio yells at him Hinata just turns to him _more_ , getting up closer instead of backing away. Then in that three-on-three match they _connect_ , and in that moment Tobio feels an exhilaration like he has never felt before. He feels connected to _everything_ , more aware, more _present_ , than he can ever remember being. He has to concentrate so hard, he has to watch where every player is, predict where every player will move, and in that one lightening moment when Hinata leaps into the air Tobio’s entire world narrows down to the space before his hand. His purpose is clear and the line between Tobio’s raised hands and Hinata’s spike is a resonating wire. He feels the ball fall into his waiting fingers, he provides the perfect brace and cushion and with the most minute, precise movements shifts the momentum of the ball and adds his own, through his body, through his arms and his fingers back to their tips and out into the ball, into the air, along that wire and into the palm of Hinata’s waiting hand.

Hinata isn’t reasonable. He doesn’t listen. But he _trusts_ Tobio, and that isn’t something Tobio has ever even considered before. In the rare moments when he takes time to think, Tobio thinks that sort of thing should be unstable, unreliable--trust. He thinks it should be something very strenuously maintained with a lot of hard work. After all, don’t people say that you have to earn trust? But with Hinata it isn’t at all like that. With Hinata, it seems that trust is easy.

With Hinata’s trust, volleyball is different. Tobio feels like never before has he been truly playing the game. Now he feels like he’s there in every moment, focused, involved, connected. Tobio doesn’t understand it, but Hinata is both his rival and something more. Hinata trusts Tobio to get the ball to him. And Hinata _tries_. He tries so hard to improve on his part while trusting Tobio to improve on his. To Hinata, trying is his default. Tobio yells at him for all sorts of things: for his shitty receives and weak serves and clumsiness, but Tobio never has to tell Hinata to try harder.

 

…

 

“Hey, Kageyama, we have that big math test next week, right?”

Tobio pokes the straw into his box milk as he comes around the corner to join Hinata in their spot behind the school. They’ve been spending lunch together for a while now. One day Hinata came to Tobio’s classroom, rudely woke him from his nap, and demanded that Tobio toss to him. They can’t use the gym during lunch so they found a good grassy spot near the vending machines and they’ve been practicing volleyball then eating lunch together ever since.

“Uh yeah,” replies Tobio as he settles down next to Hinata.

“Are you ready for it?”

“What do you think, dumbass?”

“Right, of course not. Well good, that means we can study together!”

That’s another thing they’ve started doing together. Sometimes with Yachi, sometimes just the two of them. They’re both idiots, but a lot of the time they can fill each other’s gaps so it works out okay.

“So,” continues Hinata, “wanna come over to my place this weekend?”

“Sure.” It won’t be the first time Tobio’s ever been over to Hinata’s. They often practice together after school as well in a park near Hinata’s house, then go to his house afterwords to play video games and watch volleyball videos. The first time Tobio was invited over he was shocked, but maybe a little bit thrilled. That was when he started to think that maybe, just maybe, Hinata is kind of like a friend.

“Great! Oh, and my parents are going to be there this weekend and my mom said she’s gonna make pork curry, which is your favorite right? So I was thinking you could maybe sleepover?” Hinata says it all in one breath, poking at his bento and not looking at Tobio. Tobio stares at him for a moment, wondering if Hinata sounded a bit nervous, and then wondering why Hinata would be nervous.

“Alright. That way we can practice more on Sunday too.”

“Yeah!”

 

That Friday night, Tobio packs over night stuff in his gym bag so that he can go home with Hinata right after school. He wonders for a moment if he’s packed everything he should. Tobio’s never gone to a sleepover before, but he can’t think of what he could possible need besides pajamas and a toothbrush. When he’s put everything away he spends a moment staring at the bag and finds himself smiling. It’s kind of exciting to have a friend. They’ll probably just watch stupid videos and flip through volleyball magazines, but Tobio likes doing those things with Hinata. As he grabs his lunch from the fridge and locks the door behind him he thinks he might, maybe be looking forward to this weekend. It’s an odd and unfamiliar feeling.

After they’ve spent the afternoon practicing volleyball in the park, they make their way to Hinata’s house. Tobio greets Hinata’s mom when they walk through the living room. She smiles at him like she always does, and tells them that dinner will be ready in half an hour when Hinata’s dad gets home from work.

“Hey, what’s your dad like?” Tobio asks as they settle into Hinata’s room.

Hinata shrugs. “Like a normal dad, I guess.”

Tobio hums a bit and turns to the magazine Hinata’s pulled out. Tobio’s not really sure what a normal dad is. He thinks his dad is probably normal too, even if Tobio only sees him once a week.

They’re just finishing up the magazine when Hinata’s mom calls them down to dinner.

“Coming!” Hinata yells back, and scrambles up and out the door, Tobio trailing behind him.

As they go down the stairs they can already hear the rest of Hinata’s family down in the dining room. Natsu’s high-pitched chatter, Hinata’s mom’s laughter, and a warm deep voice that Tobio guesses must be Hinata’s dad. When they emerge into the dining room, Tobio suddenly feels awkward.

“Kageyama-kun, come in, come in! You can sit next to Shouyou there. I hear that pork curry is your favorite! I hope I’ve made it to your satisfaction.”

“Kageyama-kun, is that right? It’s nice to meet you finally. Shouyou talks about you all the time. I’m Shouyou’s dad.”

“Dad! I don’t talk about him all the time!” Hinata’s blushing and his dad laughs in response.

“Well you’re always talking about volleyball, and when you talk about volleyball you talk about Kageyama-kun, so we do hear his name often,” says his mom with a fond smile.

Tobio looks back and forth between all of them, taking the seat Hinata’s mom pointed out. “Oh, um I’m sure the curry will be great. And it’s nice to meet you too, Hinata-san.”

“I’ve made a lot, so please eat as much as you can,” says Hinata’s mom. There’s a bustle as everyone serves themselves rice and curry, but it’s by no means quiet. It seems that the rest of Hinata’s family is just as vocal as he is.

His parents ask them about their days at school, and for a moment Tobio flounders trying to think of what to say. He’s slightly relieved when he doesn’t have to say anything because Hinata and Natsu are already chattering away. As they eat dinner, there’s not a moment of silence. At least one member of Hinata’s family is always telling some story or another, and they’re all laughing and smiling between bites of curry. Tobio tries to follow along, and in a spare moment he manages to comment that the curry is very good. This spurs Hinata’s mom to tell them all about how she found the recipe and the funny thing that happened when she was at the grocery store buying ingredients. Tobio lapses back into silence, caught up in the flow of undeniable _family_ that permeates the living room.

It’s weird--Tobio didn’t think families like this actually existed in real life. He thought this kind of openness and easy affection was only in TV shows. He doesn’t think his family is cold per say, but his mom works a lot nowadays and when she is home it’s just the two of them. He likes it when they have dinner together, but both of them are more content to eat in silence. When he eats with his dad, it’s always kind of awkward, especially when his dad has a new girlfriend over. And Tobio doesn’t have any siblings, so Natsu’s bubbly presence is really different. The only time Tobio can remember eating dinner like a family would be a few years ago, before the divorce, but he can’t even remember that very well and he can’t think of whether his family was ever anything like this. He thinks maybe they were close too, in a quieter kind of way. But anyways, that was before, and they aren’t like that now.

The warm voices of Hinata’s family runs together. Tobio pauses while scooping up a spoon of curry and stares at it. For some reason, he can’t really taste it anymore, and he doesn’t really feel like putting the spoon to his mouth and taking another bite. The emotion crept up on him slowly. He still feels cocooned in the warmth of Hinata’s family, but somehow it’s gone from being a good comfortable feeling to simply _too much_. The curry blurs before his eyes and he blinks in shock at realizing the pit in his stomach and his throat. He tries to choke it back, but it’s not going anywhere.

Tobio sets down the spoon and forces the wave of emotion back, even though doing so hurts his throat. “Hinata,” he says quietly, making sure his voice is normal. He picked a moment when Hinata’s mom and dad are caught up in something Natsu’s saying so he only gets Hinata’s attention.

“Yeah?” Hinata says back, thankfully also in a lower tone.

“Um, I think I must have had something with lunch… or something…. I’m not feeling very well.”

“Oh no! Are you okay?”

“I… don’t know.”

“Do you want to go lie down?”

“I think… I might just go home, actually,” Tobio says softly. He feels horribly awkward about it, but right now all he wants is to get out of there as fast as he can.

“Oh,” says Hinata. He sounds disappointed. “Are you sure?”

“What’s that?” says Hinata’s mom, apparently catching their side conversation. “Kageyama-kun, you’re not feeling well?”

Suddenly Hinata’s family is focused in on Tobio, all expressing their earnest concern and offering to get him water, or telling him he should go lie down. There’s a weight on Tobio’s chest and it’s become hard to breathe. He really, really just wants to leave.

“I’m okay,” he tries to say, taking a bracing breath and forcing himself to be okay for just a little bit longer. “It’s probably just food poisoning… but it’s probably best I just go home…. I’m sorry, Hinata-san. The curry was really delicious. Thank you for having me.” He stands up, hoping that if he just says it clearly they will let him leave.

“That’s fine,” says Hinata’s mom kindly. “We’d be happy for you to stay the night but I can understand if you would feel more comfortable at home. Would you like me to call your mom to pick you up?”

“No, no, that’s okay. She’ll still be at work. I’m fine on my own, I’ll just catch the bus.”

“Okay, if you’re sure?” Tobio nods, not wanting to speak more than he has to. “Well let me walk you to the door.”

“It was good to meet you, Kageyama-kun. I hope you feel better,” says Hinata’s dad.

“Bye bye, Kageyama-nii-san!” chirps Natsu.

Hinata gets up and follows Tobio to the door with his mom. He fidgets over Tobio as he puts on his shoes.

“Feel better, okay? You can’t play volleyball if you’re sick!”

“Okay,” says Tobio. He stands and says goodbye quickly, trying not to think about how he probably ruined their night. He makes his escape and spends the bus ride home determinedly not thinking.

He unlocks the door quickly and doesn’t bother to turn on any lights, just goes up to his room and closes the door. Finally, he falls onto his bed and buries his face in his pillow. The weight has been sitting on his chest for so long and he feels like he’s just barely been able to hold it. Then it’s too, too much and he tries to breathe but he _can’t_ , he tries to take small gasping breaths but they get louder  and harder and his throat _hurts_ , and there’s pressure behind his eyes from holding back the tears that are now wetting the pillow.

Tobio doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He can’t remember ever having _felt_ this much. All of a sudden he can’t keep back the sobs, and the ache in his chest is a throbbing, pulling, heavy hot thing. It’s an ache of how sweet and warm Hinata’s family is, it’s an ache of how he’ll never have that now. It’s suddenly seeing such a beautifully _whole_ family and the dawning realization that his family is _broken_. Somehow he hadn’t noticed the loss when it was happening. It was only seeing Hinata’s family, and realizing what his now would always lack… it’s only now that the separation is hitting him, and it feels like it’s all hitting him at once. He feels that loss like a hole in his chest.

He keeps thinking about Hinata’s dad, and Hinata’s mom, and the obvious love that exists between them, between the whole family. It’s an easy, automatic love that’s steeped deep in their conversation and the way they laugh with each other. Tobio doesn’t think he necessarily wants Hinata’s family, so loud and busy and bright with their love, but he can vaguely, maybe remember a similar kind of easiness. And that’s painful too, the forgetting. It’s been about a year now, and Tobio knows that they were happy as a family at one point, but he can’t really remember how his dad fit in this house. He can’t remember his parents laughing with each other, being simply together. He wonders if his mom and dad changed when they became single entities. If they became less parents and more people, or if he just sees them in a clearer light now. Either way, Tobio doesn’t feel close to them the way he thinks he should, the way Hinata seems close with his parents. Tobio can’t even imagine having a real conversation with his parents, about feelings and stuff. He would definitely never feel comfortable going to them for comfort, which now that he’s thinking about it, is probably something parents are supposed to give.

It’s a physical thing in his chest and his throat, in the tears damping his face, the snot clogging his nose and the way his lips feel chapped and swollen from biting them. He’s lost his parents. That’s what it comes down to. He’s alone, and he’ll never be able to crawl between them when he’s scared like he sometimes did as a kid, and even though he probably wouldn’t do that now anyways, the death of that easy, _whole_ , support tears through him. He curls up on his bed around the pain. For a long time, Tobio lies in the dark of his room and simply mourns.

 

Later, Tobio lies quietly, still feeling, but more softly now, just allowing the ache to exist in him. His phone, buried somewhere in his covers where he’d tossed it, buzzes. Tobio takes a deep breath and lets it all out in a sigh. Then he pushes himself up and finds his phone. The light from it is bright in the dark of his room, and he has to squint at first to read the text he’s received.

 

**Kageyama!! Are you home now? Are you feeling better? You better not be sick!!!**

 

Tobio stares at the text and feels the ache maybe begin to fade a little. He doesn’t really feel like talking to anybody right now, but at the same time the thought of Hinata sitting in his room, typing out this text with a concerned expression on his face…. Tobio lies back down and hits the reply button.

 

_Shutup, dumbass. Of course I’m home now. And I’m not sick._

 

Tobio sets his phone down on his sheets and turns into his pillow. The feeling of loss is still there, still painful, but now there’s something else on top of it. A strange kind of excited anxiousness. He thinks again of Hinata sitting in his room with his phone, thinking about Tobio…. He wonders at this new tentative friendship. He wonders if he’s ruined things by leaving like that, if Hinata is annoyed with him now, but he texted Tobio didn’t he? Still, Hinata certainly wasn’t happy when Tobio left so abruptly…. Tobio turns to pick up his phone, trying out different ways to say sorry without sounding stupid, when the phone buzzes again.

 

**Well are you feeling better then??**

 

Tobio types out a couple different responses before settling on:

 

 _Kinda, I guess. Tell your mom I’m sorry for leaving so quick like that_.

 

There’s a longer pause before Hinata replies this time. Tobio imagines Hinata lying in bed staring at his phone, maybe in shock that Tobio said he was sorry about anything.

 

**Ill tell her, but she doesnt care! She felt bad that you got sick! I was sad that you had to go so early and ruin our first sleepover though!! You owe me some meat buns for that!!! Two!!**

 

Tobio holds his phone close to his face and tries to suppress the sudden urge welling up inside of him. He wants to call Hinata, to hear his voice. He wants to tell Hinata about his parents, about how unfair and stupid the whole thing is. Hinata’s an idiot, so he probably wouldn’t have anything super insightful to say, but Tobio thinks he would agree that it was stupid and unfair, and that would be enough.

 

_Fine. I’m not sick anyways. I’ll be better tomorrow and we can practice in the morning at the park. I’ll get you meat buns after, ok? Now shut up. I’m going to sleep._

 

**Okay!!! Definitely don’t forget tomorrow!! Goodnight kageyama!!**

 

Tobio stares at the text for a little bit longer, then plugs in his phone and turns over in bed. His limbs are heavy and achy and wrung out. He feels kind of hollow from all the crying, and it’s easy to fall asleep.

 

…

 

The next day when Tobio wakes up, his eyes still feel groggy and sore. He sits up slowly on his bed. He can’t believe how much he cried last night. It was the first time he’s cried in a long while, and it was like all of his tears were just building up inside of him until they all came out at once. Now in the light of day, Tobio thinks he really overreacted and is embarrassed by it. At the same time, though, that feeling of loss lingers in his chest, like now that he’s realized it, it’ll always be there.

There’s a light blinking on his phone where it’s charging on his nightstand. Tobio picks it up and opens the text waiting for him.

 

**Goodmorning kageyama!!! You’d better be feeling better! I’m going to the park now so come as soon as you get this!**

 

It was sent at 9:12. Tobio glances at the time; Hinata’s been waiting at the park for half an hour. Tobio doesn’t really feel like getting out of bed and when he thinks about walking to the bus stop, waiting for the bus, taking the bus, walking to the park… the park seems awfully far away. Still, Hinata’s waiting there, and although for maybe the first time in his life Tobio doesn’t particularly feel like practicing volleyball, he doesn’t think seeing Hinata would be too bad. And anyways, he was enough of an ass last night, like Hinata said, ruining the sleepover. If he stands Hinata up here too, the boy will probably hate him again. At the very least, he’ll be mad, and probably realize that Tobio’s annoying and there’s no reason for them to be friends.

Tobio pulls himself off the bed and goes to get ready.

 

“So if you weren’t sick, what was it?” asks Hinata later, when they’re passing back and forth.

Tobio spikes the ball hard and Hinata cries out when his receive goes awry and he has to chase down the ball.

“It was nothing, I just didn’t feel good,” says Tobio when Hinata comes back, throwing the ball to him. Tobio starts out with a set, of course.

Hinata spikes the ball back to him and Tobio crouches and receives it neatly. “What do you mean you just didn’t feel good?” Hinata huffs, setting the ball. Hinata’s sets suck, but Tobio is good and he manages to hit it back.

“I just didn’t okay?” Tobio has to step to the side to set Hinata’s shitty receive. “Now shut up and concentrate, your receives suck as much as ever.”

Hinata pouts, but falls blessedly silent. Tobio doesn’t say it, but Hinata’s receives are getting a just a little bit better. Most of the time he can at least get to them to set them back, even if it takes a bit of leg work.

Hinata’s quiet for a few rounds of passing but Tobio should’ve known that he can’t keep his mouth shut for long.

“Hey, Kageyama.”

Tobio exhales in an exasperated sigh. “What.”

“We’re friends, right?”

Tobio falters in his receive and the ball goes awry. He watches as Hinata scampers after it and brings it back. Hinata tosses the ball to him to get them started again, and after Tobio sets it and Hinata hits it back Hinata waits for Tobio to receive it properly before saying, “So?”

Tobio frowns again, watching the ball.

“Uh,” he huffs, jumping to the side to hit Hinata’s set. “Aren’t we?”

“We are!” says Hinata back promptly. “And and, so um, so you trust me, right?”

Tobio concentrates on the ball flying back and forth between them. Does he trust Hinata? He trusts him on the court, that he’ll hit Tobio’s tosses. But beyond that… what does it mean to trust someone, anyways? How can he tell if he does?

“Sure,” he says eventually.

“…Okay.”

Hinata falls quiet again after that, but Tobio can tell he’s still thinking. Tobio’s certainly not paying as much attention to the ball as he should be. Why’s Hinata asking all this all of a sudden? Tobio answered right, didn’t he? What if Hinata’s offended by what Tobio said? But Tobio can’t think of how he should have answered.

“Hey, Kageyama?” Hinata pants again, later.

Tobio takes a couple of deep breaths. He doesn’t know why he’s so anxious, but he is and he can’t stop it. He can feel the sweat making his shirt stick and dripping from his chin.

“Yeah?”

“What did you mean that you didn’t feel good?” he asks again.

Tobio stares at Hinata, his heartbeat heavy in his chest.

“Because,” continues Hinata, studiously watching the ball, “you agreed that we’re friends, and friends talk to each other about these things don’t they?”

“I wouldn’t know,” grunts Tobio, receiving a particularly hard spike from Hinata.

“It’s not like I would really know either!” He sets the ball terribly and it goes flying beyond Tobio’s reach.

“What do you mean?” says Tobio, looking at Hinata for a second before he goes to grab the ball. “You’re friends with everyone.”

“Well, sure, but I’ve never had anyone like you before, Kageyama.” Hinata calls after him casually, and Tobio feels a jolt in his chest as he bends to pick up the ball. _What the heck._ “I mean I’ve had friends obviously. But I’ve never had teammates before Karasuno, you know? It’s different. Friends outside of volleyball just don’t really feel as close. And you’re my friend but also my teammate, and you love volleyball as much as me. So it’s better than anyone else, kinda… like best friends?”

Tobio walks back to Hinata and chucks the ball at him. “What the heck,” he says. “How can you say stuff like that?”

“Hey!” says Hinata, passing the ball to him. He looks flushed, but it’s probably the exertion. “It’s embarrassing for me too, okay? But I trust you and I wanted you to know!”

Tobio doesn’t say anything for a while. He considers telling Hinata what happened last night. He remembers how he felt, curled into his comforters and holding his phone close to his face, how he’d had such an urge to talk to Hinata about it. And now Hinata’s asking so persistently, he’ll probably be glad if Tobio tells him. Or maybe he won’t be. Maybe he’ll think Tobio’s a wimp and rethink the whole best friends thing. On second thought, Tobio really can’t imagine telling Hinata about what a stupid baby he’d been last night.

“Shut up,” he says eventually even though Hinata hasn’t said anything either in a while. “Just concentrate on volleyball, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

Hint pouts again, but thankfully this time he drops it.

 

After a couple of hours they’re both dripping sweat and Hinata’s whining that he’s hungry.

“Alright, alright I get it,” says Tobio. “Come on, go get the ball. I can’t believe how bad you are at setting. How’d you even get it up there?”

The ball is stuck in a tree, which isn’t an unusual thing for their practices, but usually this happens from one of Hinata’s shitty receives. A set is a hard thing to get precise, but the whole point of it is to arrest and harness the momentum of the ball, like a tiny catch and release. It’s usually not super powerful, but somehow Hinata managed to set the ball with enough power and lack of control to get it stuck in a tree.

“That was a pretty incredible toss, huh?” says Hinata with a grin as he jumps up to grab the ball.

“If by incredible you mean incredibly awful,” says Tobio.

“Kageyama, help. It’s too high for even me to jump!”

Tobio sighs and goes over to try his jump, but of course that’s no good either.

“Stupid, as if you can jump higher than me! I meant come here,” Hinata points to the ground at his feet. “Kneel down so I can use you to climb up and—Aaagh, hey! Don’t grab my head!”

“Then don’t suggest such stupid things, dumbass. Here,” Tobio links his fingers together and puts out his arms so that Hinata can have a step up. He figures that Hinata’s so tiny he’s probably light enough for Tobio to give him a decent lift.

“Well, it was worth a try,” grumbles Hinata. “Could you imagine if you’d done it though? Pfft.”

Tobio sends him his iciest glare. “Do you want meatbuns or not?”

“I want them! I definitely want them!”

Finally, Hinata concentrates and places one foot in Tobio’s hands. Tobio begins to lift him up, and Hinata pushes off with his other foot, and then he _jumps_ with the foot Tobio’s bracing, basically kicking Tobio’s hands. Tobio grunts and his interlocked fingers break. Hinata grabs the ball mid-air and then falls back down, right onto Tobio.

“Oof! What the hell?” Tobio grunts. He’s back-down on the grass with his mouth muffled by Hinata’s hair. Hinata, who is light but is still quite a presence _lying_ _on top of_ him.

“I got it!” cries Hinata, his voice _too close_. Tobio can feel Hinata’s words against his chest.

“Hey, can you get off me? Why the hell did you _jump_?” Tobio wheezes, pushing at Hinata, who is warm and sweaty and small.

“I had to to get the ball!” Hinata finally rolls off of him and gets up, still holding the volleyball.

“It hurt, dumbass!”

“Well I got it, didn’t I?”

Tobio pushes himself off the ground and shakes out his hands, trying to make the sting go away.

“Wait, your hands? Oh no, I jumped off your hands?” cries Hinata. Tobio gives him a _duh, dumbass_ look. “Are you okay? I didn’t really hurt you did I? I’m sorry! Oh no, what if you injured something, what if you can’t toss anymore?” Hinata’s getting more and more frantic. He grabs Tobio’s hands and starts examining them.

Hinata’s hands are hot around Tobio’s long fingers and the heat seems to zap some kind of flurry to life in his stomach. Tobio can feel his ears flushing and yanks his hands back.

“Idiot, what if you made it worse grabbing like that?” Tobio feels satisfaction at Hinata’s horrified expression. “I’m not seriously hurt, just a bit scratched and sore. Stop freaking out.”

“Don’t scare me like that! I thought I’d really hurt you! I can’t believe I didn’t even think about it!” Hinata says as he stuffs the volleyball into his backpack and swings it onto his shoulder. Tobio grabs his stuff as well and glances at Hinata as they start to walk out of the park. His anxious expression was nice to see at first but now it’s just annoying Tobio.

“Well you didn’t, okay? And even if you did, you’ve fixed your spike so that you can hit it with other setters, right?”

After a few paces Tobio notices that Hinata’s stopped walking. He turns around to see Hinata gripping the straps of his backpack and glaring at the ground. Hinata looks up and turns the glare on Tobio.

“You think that’s what I care about? If you hurt your hands you wouldn’t be able to play volleyball! You love volleyball! Wouldn’t that be super painful for you?”

“Um…. Yeah?”

“That would really be terrible! I definitely don’t want that!” Hinata says with passion, his eyes shining. Then he drops his gaze back down and mumbles, “Of course I also don’t want Kageyama-kun to stop tossing to me, that would be awful. Nobody else throws me tosses the same.”

Tobio can’t figure out where to look or what to say to that. That flurry of something is tumbling around in his stomach again and he turns back around in hopes that Hinata won’t see his red ears.

“Come on, didn’t you say you’re hungry?”

“Yeah!” Hinata perks up again and trots to catch up to Tobio. “You owe me three meat buns, three okay?”

“Hey, didn’t you say two before?”

“But then you scared me into thinking I’d hurt you, so now it’s three!”

“Shouldn’t _you_ owe _me_ some for that? You’re the one who kicked me after all.”

When they get to the store, Tobio buys Hinata three meat buns and Hinata buys Tobio two. Later that week when they’re eating lunch together behind the school, Tobio musters up all his courage and asks Hinata if he wants to come over for a sleepover that weekend, at Tobio’s house. Tobio’s never had Hinata over before and he’s nervous about it, but he still felt bad about ruining their last one and somehow he really doesn’t want Hinata to think that he doesn’t care. So Tobio asked his mom if it was okay, and she said yes of course, happy that Tobio’s making friends. Hinata responds with what Tobio’s sure is more enthusiasm than strictly necessary, but his eagerness makes Tobio think it was worth it to ask.

 

Friday night, Tobio makes sure to clean up his room at least a little. It’s not super messy in general, but there are volleyball magazines lying about and his school books and notes are just kind of scattered all over the place. Tobio doesn’t think Hinata would really care, after all Hinata’s room has been basically a mess every time Tobio’s seen it. But still, for some reason Tobio needs his room to be presentable for when Hinata comes. He even makes his bed, which he never does after his mom stopped nagging him about it a couple years back.

This Saturday goes the same as last Saturday. They leave school together and practice more in the park, stopping off to get meat buns afterward before heading to Tobio’s house.

“Ooh, so this is Kageyama-kun’s house, huh?” says Hinata as he’s toeing off his shoes. “Sorry for intruding!”

“You don’t have to be so loud, there’s no one else home.”

“Oh. Where’s your parents then? I’ve never met them before!”

Tobio leads the way through the apartment to his room. “My parents are divorced.”

“Oh! I’m sorry.”

Tobio glances at Hinata as he opens the door to his room and goes in, settling on his bed. “Anyways, this is my mom’s place. But she’ll be at work till really late, so you might see her tomorrow morning.”

“That’s too bad!” says Hinata, plopping down on the floor and already being nosy, examining Tobio’s shelves. “Oh well, I guess I’ll meet her later! Hey, these are way old! How long ago did you get a subscription?” He pulls out a few volleyball magazines.

“I got the subscriptions for my birthday when I started playing volleyball in grade school.”

“Woah.”

“You can look at them, if you want,” says Tobio, even though Hinata’s already started flipping through them.

They spend the time before dinner looking at volleyball magazines and looking up videos of the cooler players online. Tobio heats up the food his mom left for them and they eat dinner together, still chatting about volleyball. Tobio was scared it would be awkward with just the two of them and he wondered if Hinata would think it’s weird, especially when compared with Hinata’s lively family dinners. But Hinata sits at Tobio’s dining room table like he belongs there, kicking his feet and talking excitedly around his food.

After dinner, Hinata demands to see Tobio’s gaming consoles which Tobio has mentioned in the past. They settle into the living room and play games, competing fiercely and yelling at each other. It’s easy, and Tobio finds himself laughing triumphantly when he beats Hinata.

Later, Tobio notices Hinata yawning broadly and checks the time, shocked to find that it’s already gotten so late.

“Hey, wanna go to bed after this one?”

“Wha?” Hinata says around another yawn. “But! I’m so close to beating you! I think I’ve finally got the hang of it this time.”

“Well you have one last chance. Good luck, you’ll need it.”

“Hey!”

Hinata does beat Tobio and is still grinning as they put the games away and get ready for bed. Tobio rolls out the extra futon on the floor of his room and Hinata climbs under the covers when he comes back from the bathroom. Tobio stares at him for a moment, lying there sleepy on the floor of his bedroom, and then he turns off the light and crawls onto his bed. Are they just going to go to sleep then? Is this how sleepovers go? Tobio’s not sure, and he’s not sure if he wants there to be more or not, but he’s very conscious of the sound of Hinata breathing beside and below him and the rustling as he shifts around, and Tobio feels too full of _something_ to fall asleep.

“Kageyama?” Hinata’s whisper in the dark.

“What?” Tobio whispers back.

There’s a pause, and Hinata’s next whisper is quieter and filled with something Tobio doesn’t think he’s fully heard before, maybe a little last Sunday, when Hinata was talking about the thought of Tobio no longer tossing to him.

“Do you wanna talk about it now?”

Tobio hears more rustling, and he glances down. Hinata’s turned over in the futon, and their eyes have adjusted enough in the dark that they can see each other, that Tobio can see that Hinata’s looking right at him.

Tobio stares at Hinata, his heartbeat heavy in his chest.

“It’s just,” Hinata continues after a beat, “you said you weren’t sick, but you seemed pretty bad when you left, and then the next day at the park your eyes were red, and I mean you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but we’re best friends right? And I thought maybe I’d done something wrong, and you didn’t want to sleepover anymore, and also I worried if you were okay. If I did something wrong, you’d tell me, right?”

Hinata is looking down now; he fiddles with the comforter.

“I…” Tobio is so scared of saying the wrong thing, but at the same time he’s starting to feel like maybe it doesn’t matter so much. “I would tell you. You didn’t do anything wrong…. It wasn’t you.”

“Oh…” Hinata pauses his fidgeting. “Then what was it?”

Tobio sighs and falls back onto his pillow. That urge to tell Hinata is back, and surprisingly Tobio thinks it might even be okay. Maybe. But how to say it without sounding like an over-dramatic crybaby? Because that’s basically what he is.

“It’s stupid,” he says eventually.

For a moment it’s quiet. Then there’s more rustling from Hinata, and then Hinata’s _there_ , one leg on his bed, pulling back the covers and pushing at Tobio. “Hey, budge over,” he says.

“Wha?” Tobio scoots over towards the wall and Hinata climbs in beside him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Shh. It’s easier to talk this way, isn’t it?”

“Dumbass, we could talk perfectly fine—”

“And anyways, I bet it’s not stupid. I think you wanted to sleepover, didn’t you? Otherwise why would you invite me over for today? Unless you just felt bad, I guess. But nah you’re not nice like that. So if you wanted to sleepover, I don’t think you’d leave for a stupid reason, and you said you weren’t feeling well, and Sunday you looked like you’d been crying or something.”

“I wasn’t—!”

“So! I bet it’s not stupid, and you agreed that we’re best friends, and best friends talk to each other about these things don’t they?”

Slowly, Tobio allows Hinata to pull him back around until they’re lying face to face. It’s awfully close, as Tobio thought it would be. But it’s Hinata, which makes it easy as much as it makes it tough. Hinata’s hand is still on Tobio’s arm.

“It really was stupid, okay?” Tobio whispers finally. Hinata just looks at him, earnest and open. “It was just…. I don’t know how to say it. It’s just, I told you my parents are divorced right?” Hinata nods, a small movement. “Well they got divorced when I was at Kitagawa Daiichi. I didn’t really care then… I was focused on volleyball you know? It was just a thing that was happening, it was fine. I guess I never really thought about it much….”

“But?” prompts Hinata after Tobio trails off. Tobio takes a deep breath and tries to steady himself. Even just thinking about it now… brings back that rush of _loss_ from the other night.

“But—but then, when I went to your house, I don’t know. For some reason, it’s stupid, but it was like all of a sudden it mattered a lot. I just—your family was so….” Tobio takes a breath again, feels his eyes burning and hates it.

What is wrong with him? He never cried about this before, and now all of a sudden the littlest thing sets him off? He brings his hands up to press the heels of his palms into his eyes, dislodging Hinata’s hand on his arm in the process, and breathes. It’s annoyingly hard to talk about it, but now that he’s started he really wants to tell someone, tell Hinata. “Your family was really great. And I guess I’d just never seen a family like that before… and it—it made me really want my family. Back. I just kept thinking about how different it was, and how my parents’ll never be like that, and—and I don’t know for some reason it just, it was just too much.”

Hinata shifts, moving to grasp Tobio’s wrists gently and pull his hands down. Tobio keeps his eyes scrunched shut, his head bowed, a strange swirl of so many emotions in his stomach he can’t figure out what he’s feeling. Then Hinata moves again, closer. He drapes his one arm over Tobio in a kind of hug and rubs his face into Tobio’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” Hinata says into his shirt, his voice taut with Tobio’s hurt. “I don’t know if I really understand, but it sounds like it was really really hard for you. I’m glad you went home cause being with my family was painful, but I also kind of wish you’d stayed and talked to me then, so I could’ve given you a hug.”

Hinata’s hair is soft brushing against his neck and chin and his body is so warm against Tobio’s. He smells of stale sweat from their practice and a little bit of toothpaste and of something else too, underlying all of that, something warm and sweet like honey. And somehow, his words just make it feel like the tears will come easier. Tobio brings his arm up to wrap around Hinata, tenses his muscles and releases.

“It’s weird,” says Tobio gruffly into Hinata’s hair. “Annoying. I never cared. I don’t know why all of a sudden I do. And it’s so much, like I feel the smallest thing will bring it all back. Even now, nothing’s even happened. I’m just talking about it but…” Tobio’s voice catches, and he can feel the stupid wetness on his cheeks. He feels both terribly embarrassed, and not at the same time. He can’t believe he’s crying in front of Hinata. Not just in front of Hinata, he’s basically crying onto Hinata. It’s awfully humiliating, but at the same time he doesn’t for a second think that Hinata would make fun of him for it. And somehow, it’s also… nice, in a way. Tobio can’t remember the last time someone comforted him when he was upset.

Hinata squeezes him tight for a moment, and then Tobio notices that he can feel his t-shirt getting damp.

“Oi,” says Tobio, pulling Hinata back for a moment. He looks in surprise at Hinata’s scrunched up, tear damp face. “What—wh-why are you crying?”

“Stupid!” sniffs Hinata, opening his eyes to glare at Tobio. “You’re crying too aren’t you?”

Tobio scrubs at his face but the tears are still leaking out. “Yeah, but…”

“It’s your fault! I always cry when other people cry!”

“What!” It’s the stupidest thing Tobio’s ever heard, and it sounds like Hinata.

“Yeah! It’s horrible, especially whenever Natsu cries. I just can’t help it!”

Tobio feels a sudden bright, bubbling thing in his chest and then it comes out in huffs of laughter. It’s awful, he feels like he’s choking, crying and laughing at the same time, but the whole thing is just ridiculous, him and Hinata crying together lying in his bed curled up and touching in so many places.

“Shut up!” cries Hinata, hitting at Tobio’s shoulder, suppressing a smile. “It’s your fault! Take responsibility!” He smushes his face back into Tobio’s chest and rubs it back and forth.

“Hey, you’re getting snot all over my shirt!”

“It’s your fault!” Hinata’s voice, muffled and vibrating in Tobio’s chest.

“Hinata you idiot.” Tobio grabs Hinata’s head to make him stop and Hinata finally quiets down. Tobio leaves his hand there, curled into Hinata’s hair. Hinata’s arm is still around him, and he squeezes again and gives a tiny sniff.

“I think… even though it’s annoying and stuff, maybe it’s also kinda good? In a way?” mumbles Hinata. “I mean, even if you weren’t really thinking about it, maybe it was still bugging you, like unconsciously or whatever.”

“You mean subconsciously, idiot?”

“Yeah, that. Maybe it’s good that you’re thinking about it now. Better late than never, right? And anyways, even though I hate crying so much I don’t think it would be good to never cry. Then you’d just be a robot. And sometimes crying helps a lot.”

“How does it help? Isn’t it just embarrassing?”

“Well…. I guess it is sometimes. But, you know, I’m kinda happy to have been able to see Kageyama-kun cry.”

“…what the hell is that?” Tobio grabs Hinata’s hair and pulls his head back to look at his stupid face.

“Ow, hey!” Hinata pouts and looks up at Tobio. He releases his grip and just brushes through his hair a bit. “It’s just, you crying with me. It’s ‘cause you trust me, right? It makes me really happy, to know that.”

Tobio stares at Hinata, so incredibly close in the dark, expression heartfelt and honest, so close Tobio can see his tangled eyelashes, and feels his face heat with an uncontrollable blush.

“You—you—Hinata—”

Hinata reaches up a hand to lightly trace Tobio’s cheek, probably to feel his blush that he’s sure Hinata can see even in this dark. At the touch of his fingers Tobio thinks he probably blushes even more—they’re still so close, his arm around Hinata’s waist, one still tangled in his hair, their thighs brushing, Tobio incredibly conscious of Hinata shifting his leg so that their calves overlap and feet tangle.

“Kageyama…. Kageyama… do you like me?” Hinata whispers it and his eyes are stupidly wide as he looks at Tobio and brushes his fingers over Tobio’s cheek, smoothing away the lingering wetness.

“…What the hell kind of question is that?” hisses Tobio, bewildered.

“It’s a simple question, geez. Just answer it!”

Tobio can see that Hinata’s blushing now too, and he has no idea what’s going on anymore. “Why are you asking such a stupid thing all of a sudden?”

“Is it stupid because the answer’s obviously yeah or no?” Hinata continues before Tobio can answer, though he has no idea what he would say to that, “Because! Because, um, I think you like me, maybe, a little bit, because you invited me over and you always practice volleyball with me and—and, you trust me, and because—well—I think uh—I think I might—probably—like you, like, a lot—like…more than best friends.”

Hinata looks like he wants to turn away in embarrassment but he’s maintaining eye contact with Tobio out of sheer determination. Part of Tobio idly thinks that his serious, flustered expression is cute, but most of Tobio is thinking _oh my god what the heck._

“Hinata…” breathes Tobio, and it’s the only thing he can say as his mind has apparently gone completely blank.

Suddenly, the eye contact seems way too much, too intense, yet Tobio can’t even begin to break it. This whole time Tobio has been hyper aware of how close the two of them are, but now it feels like the tiny space between them has become heavy while at the same time the air has disappeared, leaving Tobio trying to figure out how to breath in its absence. Hinata’s fingers are still lightly resting on his cheek, but now Hinata’s palm is there too, shifting over his jaw until his fingers find his hair and slide around the nape of his neck. Hinata pulls with just the tiniest bit of pressure and the moment hangs slow in the space of one breath, two, intermingling, and then Hinata’s lips are warm soft brushing against his.

Hinata is all honey-sweet and sunlight-warm and Tobio is utterly helpless to it, letting his eyes fall closed and pressing closer, overwhelmed. Hinata shifts a little and then there’s a hot, wet tongue licking tentatively across Tobio’s bottom lip and he inhales sharply as sudden heat blooms down his spine. Tobio slides his tongue over Hinata’s and it’s too much, he has no idea what he’s supposed to do with it and their teeth knock together and it’s confusing and awkward and the absolute best thing Tobio has ever felt. Hinata’s hand on his neck has slid to grip his shoulder and in return Tobio’s hand in Hinata’s hair moves to press Hinata closer. Hinata’s other arm is curled up between them and he shifts it to grasp at Tobio’s shirt while Tobio’s hand brushes down Hinata’s back to trail along the skin where Hinata’s shirt has ridden up. Their legs are more tangled than ever, Hinata pressing one between Tobio’s and draping the other on top and the non-existent space between them fills with tiny huffs and gasps for breath.

They draw back slowly, lingering close and resting against the pillow, Tobio continuing to trace his fingers across the hot skin of the small of Hinata’s back.

Hinata squirms a bit then peeks up at Tobio. “You kissed me,” he whispers, face flushed and lips red and damp.

“What? No, you kissed me!”

“Whatever,” says Hinata, ducking his head down to nuzzle at Tobio’s neck. “You kissed back,” he mumbles, “That means you gotta like me, huh?”

“Shut up,” says Tobio, pressing Hinata’s head into his shoulder. “Shut up and go to sleep, dumbass.

Hinata falls blessedly silent, but Tobio can feel the smile against his neck.

Tobio holds Hinata and traces questions into the skin of his back. What does this mean? Hinata likes him. More than a best friend.But what does that mean exactly? And what does Tobio feel? He… likes to be with Hinata. He wants to be with Hinata. He wants to stay with Hinata for a long time, for as long as he can imagine. It’s terrifying. Does Hinata feel the same? Does Hinata want to stay? Will he?

Tobio thinks about his mom and dad. He thinks about Kitagawa Daichi. He presses his palm flat against Hinata’s back and pulls him closer and Hinata comes, snuggling in, his nose soft digging into Tobio’s neck.

“It sure seems like Kageyama-kun is thinking real hard about something, but I know that can’t be ‘cause you don’t have anything in that head to think with.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying. You trust me, and you _like_ me. You can talk to me, y’know?”

“…Shut up.”

Hinata squirms a bit, then settles back down, limp and warm and honey-soft in Tobio’s arms.

“Why do you like me, anyways,” whispers Tobio later into Hinata’s hair.

Hinata pulls back a little to look at Tobio. His eyes are bright even in the dark of Tobio’s room.

“I don’t know,” he says simply. Tobio scowls at him and Hinata wiggles up a little bit so he can drop his head down on the pillow next to Tobio’s, their noses just brushing. He stares at Tobio, and says, “When you’re playing volleyball, why do you want to win?”

The house is empty dark around them, the stars glowing cold through his window. Tobio thinks about volleyball, he thinks about the need to do well, the need to improve and to win and how there’s nothing else to it. He thinks about Hinata, who tries so hard. Hinata, who’s default is trying. Hinata, who isn’t reasonable at all, but who never turns away, always turns towards Tobio, no matter how much he yells.

“That’s a stupid question,” Tobio says, their breath intermingling in the small space between them. “I just do.”

Hinata smiles and Tobio is warm and full of light lying with him. Tobio feels Hinata’s echoing words on his lips, in his throat, in all of the places they’re touching, in his chest.

“I just do.”

 


End file.
